From a student I hadn’t talked to or seen in seven years.
Date: October 6, 2023 LOOK AT THIS DATE. THIS IS RIGHT BEFORE THE WORLD EXPLODED
To: jason.obrien@uah.edu
Subject: Tarot StuffThe Shapeshifter/Big Bold Vision
Okay first up is how people see you/ outward energy... the round cards are archetypes, so the shapeshifter says that people see you as bold, vibrant, adaptive, funny. They see you as a person who bends and challenges rules and thinks and pushes outside the box. The Big Bold Vision card confirms that, that's all about having a good knack of seeing the bigger picture and working to push and change things in different and sometimes unexpected ways. And on the surface that's great. But underneath that is a deeper story and people pick up on that but usually brush it off bc you have a gift of smoothing things over with humor. So it's easy for people to forget you're a person with his own shadows and issues bc you are guilty of passing them off yourself with humor, probably kinda poking fun at yourself and your shadows in a way. So with the wrong people, your shadow side AND your true personality can easily push those people away bc they don't want to see you in any other way. Besides that funny, outgoing, fuck the system kind of person.
The Tear/ Release the Dark WoundWhat’s beneath the surface: sadness, grief, stress. Desperation. Exhaustion. Feeling things on such a deeper level and feeling lost or alone, like no one understands or empathizes with you. Feeling the weight of the world so strongly all the time and wanting to make things better. But not quite knowing the full picture of how. You have a pull to let go of all of the mess from the past: belief systems, ego, trauma, people and things and places that no longer resonate. But not knowing fully how to handle doing so. Like you always have one foot on the side of the door that’s how others like to see you, and one on this shadow side as well.
The Faultline/Releasing AlliancesIt’s a time now of change. A foundational shift. You are not the person you were before and the situation, person, that you are releasing and letting go of has run its course. You’ve learned the lessons from the cycles you’ve had to repeat for what seems like lifetimes. You’re having to let go of not only the person outside you that isn’t for you, but also the past versions of yourself that aren’t for you anymore. A faultline doesn’t form overnight. There have been pressures building up over years of the same cycles, even tho the presentation of those cycles may have looked different. It’s shaky, it’s chaotic and ungrounding, it’s scary, and it’s long overdue.
The light inside you is trying to shine and this is a time for you to heal but also to stand firm for yourself. You have to start admitting your wants and needs, and inside you know that the things you want and need can’t come unless you allow the people and beliefs and the past to fall away.
You don’t identify with the past anymore. The crack and shift in your current reality has happened because the life you lived in the past wasn’t for you. You have no more ties and allegiances to it and you owe the past nothing. You deserve someone who loves you, you deserve to love yourself, and you deserve to be happy in the new life you are creating for yourself. Your authenticity is breaking open and you are redefining your reality. Let go of the old, the past, and claim your power, your needs, and your wants. You can and are creating the reality you want that’s based on love and happiness and freedom.
Sacred Fool/ The WarriorThe Sacred Fool is ready to be authentic, truthful, and inspiring. You can’t worry about wether what you’re doing is socially acceptable, or the right way of doing things, or what anyone else thinks of what you’re doing. You have to move away from the things that don’t work for you anymore and that may be uncomfortable and scary. It’s time for you to live, and let things be unpredictable, unscripted, and out in left field. The crazier the better, because crazy and unexpected heals. Don’t question how things happen, and don’t doubt yourself bc you are not crazy. You are finally acting upon what you need and that’s the most sane thing you can do. You’re a warrior, it’s important to stand on your own two feet. The battle you’re in has deep scarring roots and you’re ready to cut through the roots to heal yourself for good. You are taking actions that stay with you long after the fight is over so own your choices, but you also need discernment. Don’t fight battles that will unnecessarily hold you back from your best self or healing what needs to be healed.
I did not heed that advice. I have poked the bear (the Queen of Swords) and I have wasted needless energy dealing with it simply to cause a reaction in Lolly and to hurt her the way she has hurt me. I will behave like an adult from now on.
*Side note…I've never pulled ANY of these archetypes before today*
Inner Trust/ The Word Wants to be Written
Make sure you trust yourself and what you're doing right now bc youve got this deep understanding of who you are and what needs to be done. But the word wants to be written means that you've just scratched the surface of what you're about to evolve into... as you go along and start "livin'" as the great Matthew McConaughey would say, more and more will come up to be revealed about your purpose and the rest of your gifts.
Went to a psychic and she told me that I was having legal battles with the Queen of Swords. She said that she has loved you a long time, but it is a selfish love, and lately it is even more selfish. She didn’t know how that was going to turn out. I knew that and I still poked the bear.
She told me that I was going to have a good job offer at the first of the year. She said, “I don’t see money ever being a problem for you.” LMFAO
It won’t because I don’t fucking worship it. I will tend bar on a beach and be happier than I have in years (not being a dick).
So, I didn’t used to believe in that shit, and here we are.
Look up “Dark Night of the Soul” and tell me how close my stuff is to that.
I need to sleep but I can’t.
Later today, I’m going to write some funny stories about my son Connor. Then I’m going to share the recording of Andrea Alvarez she has been dreading. It will demonstrate a motive for you (Andrea) to stick your fucking nose into my personal life where it didn’t belong. This has caused me great stress.